This past month I had a birthday and next week I am eloping. I spent my birthday in the best way ever: at an art opening with close friends followed by a socially-distant park hangout. I'll be eloping also at a park and then celebrating with close friends on a boat with Manhattan in the background. It is not what I imagined for one of the most significant moments of my life, but it is also a very welcome surprise change of plans that I am thankful to be able to have. 

I am extremely lucky and happy at a time when so many people are suffering, struggling, dying, or depressed. Despite my good luck, I still feel out of control and confused about my future in regards to my art making. I don't really know yet how my art practice will unfold -- the gallery scene is not only changing, but has also historically undervalued or overlooked people like me; the online art sales scene is booming for the well known (and often dead and male) artists; and self-branding oneself as a personality with artwork that looks more or less the same seems to be the secret to success for many artists selling work online. 

Anyone who wants to be an artist has to be realistic about how they are going to make money and take care of themselves. Many artists, if you dig deep enough, have either family money, spousal support, or other sources of financial or moral support that allow them to live a seemingly free and spontaneous artist life. I did not come from money and while I am now marrying a man who has a growing business, I also started my own business to be able to support myself, my future family, and have time to spend making art. A few years ago I did not think that I would ever have what I have now, but I made steps to make it happen. Meeting a romantic partner was something I assumed would never happen -- I had planned to do this alone (which is why I planned to move to Berlin, which is much cheaper than NYC). Working towards something while still being open to the seemingly impossible is perhaps the smartest thing we can do right now. It has worked for me before.

Anyway, here I am in Brooklyn living and working and charting a path. I consider myself a full-time artist, but I am also a full-time business person. I need both to support myself and to support other artists. My business, Distill Creative, exists to make me money while also promoting the work of other women and people of color who are doing excellent work.

Why make art? What is the point? For me it is part therapy and part (hopefully) to inspire others to think differently about the world. The systems we have in place and the way we live are not the only ways to be. We can have a world where everyone is treated fairly and everyone has enough money, time, and space to live well. Many people do not want this to happen. This is why part of my life, which most people do not see, is the part engaged in local organizing. I am still figuring out how best to help out in my own community and city, but I am actively learning and participating in groups like my local Mutual Aid, DSA, and Art Against Displacement. Voting, all year and not just for the presidential election, is the bare minimum. Being an engaged citizen means actually being engaged in your local community and working with others to make the world a better place for everyone.

Some days I think I should only be making artwork that is explicitly political. Other days I think I should only be doing outrageous public interventions to promote radical social change. But most days, I remind myself that for me, a woman of color who did not come from money, did not go to art school, and who does not want to simply get into a gallery so my art will only be seen and bought by the 1%, just being able to make art sometimes -- however and whatever I want -- is radical. And I'm going to continue to make and stop worrying about what I should do. 

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